Thursday, April 24, 2008

Movie Review : Goal ; aka Shite ; aka David Beckham cant act for peanuts

Director : Danny Cameron (whoever he is)
Stars : bunch of footballers and some shite actors
Synopsis : Who gives a shit really.
Rating : Isnt it obvious?

Well, not much to be said for this film really. It starts out with the standard sob story - poor kid crosses border from Mexico with family searching for a better life, is good at football but his father (stereotypical domineering "you'll never amount to anything", tall poppy syndrome bastard) discourages him from playing as it interferes with his ability to bring in the dough.
Travelling ex-footballer sees him playing, convinces him to go and try out for Newcastle, convinces club manager to see him, is generally the fucking king of convincing everyone in the movie to do shit, and lands him a short contract. Blah blah blah blah -if it was any more formulaic, you'd be taught it in Organic Chemistry. "Ok children, heres the formula for the chemical MakeAShitMovieThatMakesPeopleSick."
Has all the standard plot endings, and I mean ALL of them :
boy gets the girl
boy scores the goal to win the game
boy gets girl to watch football and enjoy it (suspension of disbelief went into overdrive with that one)
boy reforms other bad boy who also scores goal in final game
boy gives old father figure type reason to get back into football at management level
boy's father watches him play (on the telly albeit) and finally respects sons ability to kick ball
boys father dies giving boy motivation to play big game (not quiet sure how that works)
boy finds out about father watching game on telly allowing him to make peace with father...apart from the fact that he's dead of course.
boy meets David Beckham, Zidane, and a whole lot of other famous football players, and plays with Alan Shearer.

What a load of tripe. And they made a sequel as well. I had got my grubby paws on both but now I'm not even going to bother with the 2nd one. What garbage.

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