Thursday, February 21, 2008

Rubber poop monster stalks sewerage plant workers

I reckon this is the weirdest thing I have read today. A sewerage plant in Eastbourne, East Sussex, called in a scam artist, err I mean paranormal investigator Michael Kingscote, to check out their plant after sightings of a "zombie-like figure who roams the tunnels". Right - whatever. If we disregard the obvious explanations of some homeless guy wandering around, or over-active imagination, I reckon it leaves us with one possibility. Someone has stolen the rubber poop monster outfit from Kevin Smiths film Dogma, and is stalking the workers for some nefarious reason ala Scooby Doo

Yes, the Golgothan is back and he's bad. Scaring sewerage plant workers is obviously part of some enormous devilish scheme to take over the world and turn it into the next plane of Hell. Or another Starbucks.

Or it could be someone dressed as the Golgothan, scaring people away from the sewerage plant because its not out in the middle of nowhere like most sewerage plants no no - its in the middle of a city, next to the Bank. And they are tunnelling in to steal the Crown Jewels, which just happen to be there temporarily for cleaning, under the cover of darkness, using the monster to scare off workers who might uncover their fiendish plan. But the plucky team of psychic investigators, some who are ex-navy seals, uncover the crafty plot, and blow up the plant to save the jewels from the thieves. Cue big explosion, cue people diving left and right to escape fireball, cue short sharp shower of shit.

Shit - I think I just came up with a new movie plot. What's Michael Bay's phone number again?

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